


all i really want is a wavelength

by Nightblaze



Category: Jagged Little Pill - Morissette & Ballard/Morissette/Cody
Genre: Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, They talk it out, its the sad mj and frankie bonding we all want, other characters are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightblaze/pseuds/Nightblaze
Summary: frankie and mj are tired of the tension and the secrets.
Relationships: Frankie Healy & Mary Jane "MJ" Healy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	all i really want is a wavelength

**Author's Note:**

> tw: discussion of rape

Frankie didn’t know how to talk to her mother anymore.

It wasn’t like they had had a good relationship before MJ’s overdose, or like they really spoke to each other before. But now Frankie had so much to say (so much to apologize for) and she didn’t know the words. MJ would be reading, or making coffee, or anything and Frankie would try to start a serious conversation, but it always died on her lips.

Every Saturday while MJ was there, Frankie and Nick would go visit her at the Keystone Center. They talked about a lot there - how was Bella doing, grades, Frankie’s asshole teachers - but it wasn’t the same. It was all so controlled there. At home, all the topics they’d been avoiding were fair game. It wasn’t like Frankie was going to bring up Phoenix and her coming out and New York and Jo and everything that she said before she ran away in front of the watchful personnel and even Nick. It just wasn’t right. But she  _ did  _ want to talk to MJ about it.

Just a week after MJ had come home, she had definitely picked up on that. Frankie was sitting in her room, scrolling through TikTok when she heard a soft knock at the door.

“It’s me, can I come in?” MJ asked.

“Sure,” Frankie replied and watched her mother as she quietly shut the door behind her. “...Is everything okay?” she decided to ask as MJ just stood there.

“Well, I was going to ask you that,” she admitted. “It feels like there’s something on your mind.” Frankie sat up and swallowed. This is what she wanted but once again everything she wanted to say was swirling around in her head and she couldn’t find where to start. MJ took a seat a couple feet away from her on the bed. “I know that it’s weird for me to be home again. And I’m not exactly who I used to be, but I am still your mom. And you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to me.”

“I’m not afraid,” Frankie was finally able to say. “There’s just… I need to say so many things.”

“I’m listening. I’m not going to judge you anymore, okay?” MJ gave her a tight smile and Frankie tried very hard to believe her. She took a deep breath.

“Before I ran away,” Frankie started, “I’m sorry for how I said everything, but I’m not sorry for saying it. If that makes sense.” MJ’s face was so pained that it spurred Frankie to quickly explain. “I love you, and dad and Nick, but you were all so wrapped up in your own world, and you just didn’t get that I couldn’t ever be part of that. I  _ am  _ different from you guys and you always just tried to separate me from my Blackness.”

“And I get that now and I’m sorry,” MJ said after a brief pause where Frankie’s heart beat loud in her ears. “I should’ve listened to you then.”

“You were going through so much…”

“No,” MJ smiled sadly, “Even before the car accident.” MJ opened her mouth to say something else, thinking before she spoke. Frankie knew what she was going to say before she actually said it and hid her head in her hands. “So, you and Phoenix…”

“We’re just friends now, Mom. We’re better that way,” Frankie said. God. That was the most embarrassing moment of her life, even worse than the time in sixth grade when she threw up all over Josh Cohn’s shirt during recess, which was pretty hard to beat. “And even if I still had feelings for him, it just wouldn’t be right.”

“Why?”

Oh shit. MJ didn’t know about her and Jo. Her dad had asked her about it a couple of days after MJ’s overdose, and Nick had known about it for about six months.

“So I told you I was bisexual.”

“Yes.” MJ still looked confused. “And I didn’t tell you then but I support you, honey. I love you no matter what.”

“Thanks,” Frankie smiled but there wasn’t any happiness in it. She’d really fucked up with Jo. They hadn’t spoken to her since Bella’s rally, not to mention their absolutely valid but still terrifying and angry explosion in New York. “Um, Jo and I were, like, a thing.”

“Oh.”

“And then I cheated on them with Phoenix.” Frankie grimaced. It had been so stupid of her, and she’d almost lost Phoenix as well as Jo.

“ _ Oh. _ ” Clarity came to MJ’s face as she put the full story together. “Frankie…”

“I know. I know I screwed up,” Frankie interrupted her with a lump in her throat. Maybe she didn’t have the right to be sad but she lost her best friend and it still sucked and it seemed like Jo had moved on fine without her. She felt tears in her eyes and blinked them away quickly. In a flash MJ’s arms were wrapped around her and she quietly cried. “I really fucked up,” she repeated and MJ didn’t even scold her for her language.

Several minutes later, Frankie had collected herself, though she still curled up into MJ’s side like a child.

“I’m going to tell you something, okay? And I haven’t told Nick about this yet, but I will. I don’t want to keep secrets anymore,” MJ began and Frankie looked up at her. She seemed maybe afraid, and she was almost sickly pale.

“Mom, are you okay? You don’t look good,” Frankie asked as she sat up.

“I’m okay. It’s just hard…” MJ paused and took a couple of deep breaths. “Back in college, at a party, I got really drunk.”

Frankie’s blood ran cold, her heart stopped.

“This guy, he was really nice to me, at first. Charming.” Frankie took MJ’s hand and it was shaking. “He raped me.”

“Oh God, Mom,” Frankie whispered.

“And for so many years I’ve just said I was fine. But I wasn’t.” MJ swallowed hard. “I’m not.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…” Frankie felt the words die on her tongue and MJ squeezed her hand.

“I’m not telling you to guilt trip you or make you feel bad. I just wanted to explain myself, I guess? I should’ve helped Bella when she first needed me, should’ve told Nick to talk to the police in the first place… I had just told myself for so long that what happened to me was my fault that I projected that onto Bella as well. But I was in therapy at Keystone, and I’m continuing with it now, so I’m finally learning how to cope. It’s shitty,” MJ gave a watery laugh, “but I’m getting better.”

They sat there for what felt like hours, thought Frankie knew it was only five minutes at most. The moment felt more significant than anything else she had ever experienced, and cutting it short would be a blaspheme.

MJ eventually broke the silence with a light-hearted, “I need to start making dinner before your dad orders another pizza.”

For just a second Frankie hesitated, and then she asked, “Can I help?” MJ had already stood up, but stopped and smiled brighter than the sun and Frankie had no choice but to smile back.

“I would love that.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! i was sitting around today and was suddenly struck with the urge to write about Frankie and MJ, and this is what i ended up with. i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> send me prompts, headcanons, or anything really @mightymightytigers on tumblr!


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